MEN vs WOMEN

A Women's Guide To Male English
- What's wrong? = What meaningless self-inflicted psychological trauma are you going through now?
- I'm hungry = I'm hungry
- I'm sleepy = I'm sleepy
- I'm tired = I'm tired
- What's wrong? = I don't see why you are making such a big deal out of this
- Yes, I like the way you cut your hair = I liked it better before
- Yes, I like the way you cut your hair = $50 and it doesn't look that much different!
- I like that one better (while shopping) = Pick any freakin' dress and let's go home!

A Man's Guide To Female English
- We need to talk = I need to complain
- Sure... go ahead = I don't want you to
- I'm not yelling! = Yes I am yelling because I think this is important
- We need = I want
- It's your decision = The correct decision should be obvious by now
- Do what you want = You'll pay for this later
- I'm not upset = Of course I'm upset, you moron!
- You're ... so manly = You need a shave and you sweat a lot
- You're certainly attentive tonight = Is sex all you ever think about?
- I'm not emotional! And I'm not overreacting! = I've got my period
- Be romantic, turn out the lights = I have flabby thighs
- I want new curtains = and carpeting, and furniture, and wallpaper.....
- I need wedding shoes = the other 40 pairs are the wrong shade of white
- Hang the picture there = NO, I mean hang it there!
- I heard a noise = I noticed you were almost asleep
- Do you love me? = I'm going to ask for something expensive
- How much do you love me? = I did something today you're really not going to like
- I'll be ready in a minute = Kick off your shoes and find a good game on TV
- Is my bum fat? = Tell me I'm beautiful
- You have to learn to communicate = Just agree with me
- Are you listening to me!? = [Too late, you're dead]
- Yes = No
- No = No
- Maybe = No
- I'm sorry = You'll be sorry
- This kitchen is so inconvenient = I want a new house
- Do you like this recipe? = It's easy to fix, so you'd better get used to it
- Was that the baby? = Why don't you get out of bed and walk him until he goes to sleep
- All we're going to buy is a soap dish = It goes without saying that we're stopping at the cosmetics department, the shoe department, I need to look at a few new purses, and those pink sheets would look great in the bedroom and did you bring your checkbook?

ROMANCE MATH
Smart man + smart woman = romance
Smart man + dumb woman = affair
Dumb man + smart woman = marriage
Dumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy