She became the Healer.
It has been a rough Summer. Unexpected outcomes with my four and half month pregnancy left me in despair. With such difficult decision to make and the experience of loosing a pregnancy made me feel pretty much like a bird stuck in a room, flying and hitting the walls in hopes of finding a way out an open window. I was of course amazed at the outpour of emotion and care that came from various people, even people I don't even know. I realized what a small world we live in and how we are all connected no matter which country we are from. Right here on Educopark, members reached out and offered their thoughts, prayers and kind words which helped me get to the end of my day but it was none other than my four year old daughter who got me through it ultimately.Yes I was depressed, and grieving. Yes this is normal to cry, and someone once told me: "don't hold back your tears, tears are your medicine." So I gave myself permission to cry when ever I felt like it. But it was those quiet moments sitting with my daughter over a Disney princess puzzle, that I felt real peace, and happy; although often I rejected any little inkling of happy feeling. How could I dare to be happy? After all I had just lost my baby, come November there would be no little baby to hold and feed and rock to sleep. How dare I be having feelings of happiness, but I felt happy when I sat with my four year old intently focused on completing those endless puzzles she forced me to do with her. I am so glad she did. So every evening I made her hot coco, and prepared a hot tea with honey and spent an hour or two with her until bedtime.
While my mind relived the loss, I was forgetting the child I did have. All along she was there and a blessing. I was given the privilege to be the mother of such a wise and loving little girl - my daughter, my way out the open window and into fresh air and freedom once again.
